'Aileen' is a twenty-year-old blogger from the Philippines who is happily single and living life at its best.
She was born and raised in Batanes but currently living in the bustling city of Manila where she is a superwoman corporate woman by day, a blogger and homebody by night, and a party animal come weekends.
She likes lazying around, traveling, eating different cuisines, writing nonsense as well as those with sense, being weird, laughing ridiculously, city lights, partying out late, blah blah blah.
She is interested in fashion, music, arts, desserts, internet, dancing, sleeping, and singing. And oh, she misses Batanes with a passion. ★
5 Things / all me / day entries / my art /
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Day 7,203 - The good life.
So… I’ve started to watch the UK TV Series, called Skins.
And at Season 2, Episode 5, Cassie said this:
“Do you know what hurts most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before.”
“Try and keep that feeling, because, if it goes, you’ll never get it back…”
There’s a lot of truth to that, you know?
And it’s just like how I feel—or more like… how I felt.
I got a broken heart because I got my hopes up too high. I got driven into this madness where I thought that love would be enough—well it could be enough but that time for me, or for us, was just not how it was. Or okay, to put it explicitly, I rather think I got driven into ‘madness’ because I forgot myself and placed the center of my life on him rather crazily. Which is bad in so many ways.
I ended up drowned in a pit full of disappointments, realizing that I really shouldn’t expect too much of people. And that most of the time, I shouldn’t assume that I know a person too well, because in the end I might just get fucked up by chance and the ever-playful fate.
So there I was, searching for that feeling I once had… But I realized that it’s up to no use. Because it isn’t the time for me yet. I am still not ready.
I resorted to numbing the longing. Might as well just go through life aimlessly for a bit, yeah? I ended up doing some fucked up things as I continue to search now… trying to maybe find that certain point where I could stop and go back to normal.
But what’s ‘normal’ anyway?
Fine. Actually, I just want to forget everything, so I do whatever mindless thing I could do just to get away from it all. It’s not wise, it’s not right, but it’s the only way to get by… for the meantime.
And besides, contrary to what Cassie said, even if I don’t try and keep that feeling, I can still get it back. With a different person. With a better situation. With a more rightful me.
This isn’t going to stay for long. I promise that to myself.
But for as long as I know I’m not yet up for anything more serious, I’ll just continue to wait and play along with life as it plays along with me.
/ends cryptic rant
“You can’t possibly do that!”
“That’s too hard. You’ll have to pass.”
“You’re not worth it.”
“They’re better and you’re obviously not.”
“You’re a nobody.”
Most of the time, these ugly commentaries come from our own twisted, over-thinking minds. That’s why I try every day to battle out and chase away these thoughts because I don’t want to bash and restrict myself. I don’t let anyone have the chance to talk me down, so, nor will I ever let my own mind have that chance to talk me down too.
Always. Never forget that.
And the funniest part about being lied to is when you already know the truth while they lie.
