So I was riding the elevator this one time with three people: a mother and her child (who were both on the same side as I was) and a man in a suit to our right.

Everything was… well. Quiet. What else would you expect from an elevator ride? But that silence was broken when the man let out this very loud fart. YES. I’m going to talk about farts.

I swear, it was so sudden and the timing was sooooo right, so try to imagine my face while I tried really hard NOT to laugh!!! Oh come on! I didn’t want to be rude!

However.
This lovely innocent child quickly uttered, “Mommy, that man just farted.”

BAM.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I broke into laughter, and I was so ashamed of myself that I had to get off the lift for as soon as I could!

…I don’t think that you guys would have reacted differently.
I really don’t think so. :))))

And yes I know, the title is waaaay misleading.

ME: Who are you and what have you done to my friend?!?!?!?!?

Me: WHOA. WHOA. WHOAAAAA! You have a tattoo??
Him: Yeah, why? Why are you so surprised?
Me: You look like a freakin’ goody-goody guy! I wouldn’t expect you to have a tattoo!
Him: Well… I’m sorry to disappoint you. Haha!
Me: I’m not disappointed!!!! NOT AT ALL! Now tell me… What does it mean?
Him: Well… it represents three countries that I’ve been in the most. Panama, Australia, and France—
Me: What in the… you’re like a mishmash of the countries that I’ve been dying to be in!
Him: Jealous?
Me: YES. AND HOLYSHIT. Wait. France???
Him: Yeah. I was born there.
Me: *in hysterics* OH MY GOD! SPEAK IN FRENCH! SPEAK NOW! NOW! NOW!
Him: *laughing* *speaks a line in French*
Me: FUCK! I DID NOT UNDERSTAND THAT BUT! It sounds so fucking good!
Him: *laughs even more*
Me: Stop laughing! This is the first time that I had to hear it live!!! SO SPEAK MORE!!
Him: *still laughing; but still said another line*
Me: Now what does that mean..?
Him: It means that you’re beautiful.
Me: *laughs* Bullshit. How would I even know? Haha! Okay, I’m kidding. But just one more, please?
Him: *said a ridiculously long speech in French*
Me: Whoa… what does that mean!?
Him: *sticks his tongue out*
Me: That is so unfair! I should have recorded that!
Him: Sucks for you. *pulled me in for a hug*
Me: I have to say though that you looked like a Filipino dude when I first met you.
Him: Mademoiselle, please shut up and hug me back!
Me: Oh my gaaahd, say ‘mademoiselle’ again!!!
Him: Hug me back already.
Me: *mumbles* What a needy French dude.
Him: *laughs*

This happened months and months ago. My friend, David, went back here to the Philippines to ‘escape’ because his fiance just broke off their engagement. He actually spent quite some time locking himself up in his apartment but I’m a really awesome friend so I dragged him out of the house and treated him to ice cream and some other munchies—which I know, is his instant comfort food. (Lol yeah, much like us girls.)

So he poured his heart out like a girl (LOLJK ok I’ll stop now) and I… ate all the food that was meant for him. LOL.

Before you scorn me, this is what happened: when our ice cream came, someone from his work overseas called him, so obviously he had to answer that. Now it was the middle of a hot sunny day and the conversation was taking too long.

When the call finally ended, he sat back down and was greeted with empty ice cream cups and chocolate wrappers.

David: What happened…
Me: It was melting.
David: …this is depressing. More depressing.
Me: You were taking too long!
David: But still—!
Me: Don’t look at me like that! It was melting! I know you would have done the same thing!
David: ……
Me: Answer me!
David: *laughs* Well, yeah.

In the end, I had to buy again and this dude gulped it all down as quickly as he could for fear that I might attack the goodies again. LOL. 

Me: I’m not a monster, okay?
David: *in between gulps* Nope, you are.

BUT I LOVE FOOD OK.