They’re right. Experiences make or break you; and I’m thankful that my recent drastic ‘experience’ made me into the person that I am today… Better. Wiser. Stronger.

[ insert Christina Aguillera’s ‘Stronger’ song here ]

LOL. Jokes aside, I’m just happy because I realized in such a great extent that despite the awful ‘event’ that happened to me last February, I’m still here, getting along great in life. Sure it was a sad happening, but the good thing about it was that I’ve learned. A whole lot. And I’m thankful in more ways than one that I’ve somehow matured… and I even find it amazing how I’ve surpassed it.

Well… I regretted what happened, but if I were given the chance to turn back time to make things right… I would definitely decline the offer. Simply because a big part of me would still want that to happen—because if it didn’t happen or if I avoided it, then I wouldn’t have grown and moved on forward like this; I wouldn’t have gain these precious bits of realizations! You get my drift?

If I put it in a very cheesy statement, then: I feel like some kind of jewel, polished not into perfection—because perfection doesn’t exist—but polished in a way that’s acceptable and (thankfully) irreversible.

No matter the case, what I basically wanted to imply in this post is that… Sure, shit happens and bad things come by—rarely, occasionally, or even simultaneously. And it would suck! But the good side about it is that you’re still alive.

So when it happens to you, give yourself the time to grieve—you have that right. But you should know that it shouldn’t go on forever. That’s why after you let it all out… continue on living. Be thankful. Don’t hate. Try to be happy—be happy. You deserve to be. Besides, life is always a bitch and it plays you hard. We can’t avoid that. So just yield, yet still fight. Just turn the tough parts into learning experiences… and you’ll be fine.

You’ll definitely be.
It’s an ongoing struggle.
Tiring? Of course. But it would all be worth it.

/END. I feel like some sort of life consultant. LOL.

I know that there’s a high possibility that you would speak ill of me since this is all over—because it’s when things end that people start saying the truth about the other person. Now, surely I can’t stop you from doing that because our last ‘sprint’ wasn’t exactly good. It was awful. I’d admit to that.  But the first spur was a good one though—you know that—and I’m actually hoping that that’s the part that you should rather remember and keep close to your heart.

But I can’t ask for that.
Especially if you’re blinded by anger and the bad parts.
And especially since I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore.

Besides, it’s your choice.

That’s why, in my life right now… I hope that one day, even if I fail with another one, I wish that when it ends and they’re asked to speak the truth, they’d still say that I was a wonderful person; through and through… I’d like to believe that I’m a great person.. because despite all the ‘cracks’ and flaws on my being, I know that I am.

I just lost a best friend… actually, was that person fit to be called as such? Nonetheless… I am certain that this pain remains and might sting for long because I certainly regarded that person as my best-est friend.

Sure, I’ve cried much over a failed relationship before and the remaining days after that was close to torture. But that pain can’t compare to how much I’ve cried over this certain friendship that is now being cut by thee said person who is supposed to be thee so-called best friend of mine…

Someone told me that you can NEVER lose a best friend because that person would never quit on you.

So does that mean that my best friend wasn’t even my best friend in the first place…? LOL WUT UP!

Anyway. Let’s just call this best friend as Stupid.

I don’t know the reason as to why Stupid settled into this firm decision; apparently for Stupid, I don’t deserve even the slightest bit of explanation. Bloody hell. If you ask me, this feeling that Stupid is putting me through mirrors the emotion that I’ve felt when I lost my grandmother… Meaning, that this ‘cutting-of-ties-shit’ that Stupid is doing oddly feels like Stupid is dead all of a sudden. I said ‘oddly’  because this is new for me; I’ve never had friends before that blatantly admitted that they don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore.

…It’s just that… We’ve gone through so much. Stupid left a strong presence in my life and for Stupid to just nonchalantly throw all of those aside as if it’s ‘nothing’ makes me extremely angry… yet all the same sad.

It doesn’t make sense. Did I do such a criminal thing for Stupid to hate me so much that Stupid wouldn’t even want to see me ever again? I seriously can’t even point out a single severe blunder that I might have kept secret from Stupid because Stupid knows all of my faults. I’ve constantly admitted to Stupid the shortcomings that I’ve ever done to Stupid because I know that those things are something that I should apologize for.

I’ve kept myself open to Stupid like that because Stupid was one of the few people in my life that I’m determined to keep around for long up to the day that I’m wrinkled, grouchy, and old. Yet… Stupid’s leaving me, in his own will and it just fucking hurts me too much because I know that it’s not easy to just haphazardly develop another person into someone that could mimic the relationship that Stupid and I had. Especially since more than ever, I need people in my life right now who could be there for me…

As much as I want to make Stupid talk, I’m out of strength. I tried. I really did. But I’m exhausted. So… I’m letting go… I’ll just let Stupid come back to me if that’s what Stupid wishes for in the future—I’m not closing my doors because I really treasure Stupid. I really want Stupid to stay. I really do. But it’s turning into a hopeless case because I know Stupid well. Stupid is firm with whatever choice Stupid decides on.

…Dammit. It’s just too depressing to even think more about this one.
I don’t know if Stupid knows how I’m suffering right now.

I know. I know. This might be because Stupid’s incredibly angry at me for something that I’ve apparently done—but I’m willing to let Stupid know that I’m completely pissed, probably more than what Stupid feels.

Oh fuck it. I’ve just lost my boyfriend recently, now I’m losing my best-est friend too… what’s next, huh, life? My family? My life? Don’t go on a roll… Ugh. I don’t want to think about it.

I hope I’ll get over this. I WILL get over this. Soon, I hope.

…I’ll be missing you, Stupid.
Don’t knock yourself out. Good luck.

I guess this is why they say that it’s a really fucked up thing when you look back and recall the past. Yet thankfully, this one, was actually a good memory. Something that I miss.

But I actually feel thankful towards fate for giving us that—that last ‘spur’ of ‘us’. A one last picturesque moment where we at least had the chance to sense that fun and carefree vibe that we could achieve when we’re together—where for a moment, we forgot all of what we were fighting for… all of what we were feeling exhausted for.

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I’ve been saying that things are fine, but I guess… I have to take it back. Something happened and it was a way for life to slap me in the face and tell me that there’s more to it than what it seems. And that I have to stop.

I realized that even if I fight hard to make things okay or even seem okay between us, you still have that ability to hurt me and fuck things up… and I hate myself for letting you have that effect on me and my life, still, even up to this point. And you know what? I know the reason.

I care too much for you even now that we don’t have that special bond, but you on the other hand, don’t give a single flying fuck. We’re threading on friendship but you’re just throwing the word around, taking me for granted, and basically treating me like I’m no one for you. Like I’m some person who would always understand your immaturity and selfishness—which you don’t actually realize are two of your intense traits. Or like I’m that person who would never leave, who would just take things as it is with you, who would just say yes to your whims, who would be as accessible and disposable as you wish it may be. In short: Your fucking doormat.

Well fuck you. I’ve had enough of being shoved into that role in your life. I’m not willing to be any more than the stupid person that I am now to still continue and be that kind of ‘best friend’ for you, again and again and again. And from now on, I will never be. Not for you. And not for anyone else for that matter.

I’m just too exhausted, more than before, and I’m sick of this game you’re playing. I’m done doing all the effort for this shit we have—I’m even done explaining since you’re seemingly lacking the will to understand and to make things better.

So, I am sorry but I’m now taking a step back and out of your life. Because I don’t think that friendship is a one-man boat. It’s time that I give up and give you the chance to prove yourself—hah! As if you would even realize or do anything!

…But even if I’m giving up on this, I think that I’m still going to be that type of stupid who would pop out and be there for you when you’ll need a friend most. Man, you just don’t know how lucky you are.